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[Tue 25 Jan 2005 | 10:14pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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one tree hill was kinda disappointing tonite.. wasn't as good as i thought id be altho sum girl we find out is bi-sexual? hahah that was definately weird lol .. but yeah hopefully next week will be better.. but yeah still liked it.. ho humm.. actually attempted to do SUM hw tonite.. watched the cast of OTH on trl.. that was good.. the first season dvd and soundtrack came out today.. i want them.. i also want sleep lol.. oh had a good talk w/ mckenna tonite.. i miss her.. :) well yeah.. ugh tomorrows wednesday worst day of the week.. but maybe allisons coming back shes been sick all week.. poor baby.. well im tired.. nothing more to write.. i love you.
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[Tue 25 Jan 2005 | 3:36pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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my mother is a pyscotic bitch.. and i hate her.. just needed to get that out.
new one tree hill comes on tonite :o) you guys better be watching 8 o'clock the WB!
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| "don't let the door hit cha where the good Lord split cha" |
[Mon 24 Jan 2005 | 10:03pm] |
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mood |
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mellow |
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so when i got home from tumbling tonite.. my dad was playing this old "big band" music.. and he was tryin to get my mom to dance w/ him.. but she was ironing.. but anyway i was like this sounds like when u used to play in the band dad.. cuz he played in the Edwardsville Municipal Band when we lived in Edwardsville.. and he was like good job it is.. i was like whoa.. and it reminded me of when i was little.. cuz he used to play in the park by the library every wednesday during the summer .. and when i was little we'd go listen to him.. and we'd always get their early so we could get a bench on the front row.. and then when they'd play on the stage.. i would get up.. and go dance out in the grass between the stage and the benches.. now u have to understand.. that these things received a pretty big turn out.. all the benches would fill up.. plus every senior citizen in town woudl come and bring lawn chairs and stick them behind the benches.. and me being probally.. between the ages of 6-9 would go up there.. and just dance around in front of the band.. doin the latest ballet steps or my own variation lol up there in front of everyone. lol.. thinking back on it that is kind of an embarrassing thing to do lol and all those ppl probally were like eww get out of our way lol hahahah.. but i think its kinda a cool thing to remember.. like that as a kid. u have no fear you don't care wat ANYONE thinks .. and u just do wat you want if it makes you feel good. i like to picture that.. when i used to go out there and dance.. i didn't do it for anyone else.. just me.. and i just remember having so much fun doin it.. its a nice thing to remember lol.. those concerts used to be so fun.. when i wasn't doin my err.. world famous dancing hahahah.. we'd run around w/ the other kids.. and catch lightning bugs.. and put em in jars.. and then we'd run around.. and hide in all these little bushes they had around there.. and go play by the light up fountain.. good times.. i liked summer like that.. u remember when u were little.. and summer seemed to last foreveR? now it seems so short.. that sucks.. well i cannot WAIT for it this year.. even tho they're won't be any dancing in front of the band lol.. hmm.. that kinda reminds me of the notebook in a way.. they played about the same era of music.. aww the notebook.. COMES OUT FEB 8TH omg i can't wait.. and the 1st seaons of ONE TREE HILL comes out on dvd tamorrow.. and the new episodes start tomorrow.. soo exciting :) aww well i better get goin.. it was nice takin a stroll down memory lane hahaha.. mmUaH!
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| { the stereo sings our song and we don't hesitate to sing along } |
[Sat 22 Jan 2005 | 11:56pm] |
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mood |
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relaxed |
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hmm.. pretty good day.. got to drive my car today for like the first time in weeks.. cuz my dad just wanted to try it out.. but it started gettin worse again.. so thats it for awhile.. ugh i hope he fixes it soon.. i realized how much i miss driving it. :\ listenin to AWW NAW earlier and have it stuck in my head.. but i like that song so its okay.. went to daniels tonite w/ beccy&wesley + jesseca&matt and we watched friday night lights.. and it was soo good.. it got me so pumped for tryin out for cheerleading next month.. i really hope i make varsity.. i dunno if that will happen.. but ima try really hard.. after ppl left daniel played us sum of his guitar.. he was pretty good it was cool.. and he played 3 doors down.. <3<3<3 yeah.. love them lol.. well im tired and i gotta get up and help w/ lil chillens sunday school.. Ah! goodnite!**
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[Sat 22 Jan 2005 | 2:12am] |
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mood |
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 numb |
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i think song lyrics are my therapy.. sumtimes just lookin them up.. and reading the words over in my head makes me feel better.. i don't know why. today was a long, good day for the most part.. you know what i've realized my days usually start of bad.. get better.. and then get worse.. i don't know why but this seems to be the pattern.. between parents school ect.
how did i end up here? im really not even sure.. i was just thinkin about it tonite.. did i ever in a million years think: here id be.. sophmore in highschool in beaumont tx? seeing allison again from 1st grade? and all these other people? i mean i just think when i was in 7th grade.. i never saw this all coming.. any of it.. if u woulda asked me if i thought id ever end up like this.. i would have told you, you were crazy.
i wonder where else ill end up.. cuz now i think nowhere else. but look where that put me before.
i don't like this life very much
but u know wat i do like.. walking around outside at night by urself
like down my foggy street... and following the big stone rocks thru my backyard.. in the dark.. when the trees are making weird sounds.. i know that sounds weird.. but it is the most relaxing thing in the world. i coulda just layed down out there and gone to sleep.
you know where i wish i was right now.. my grandparents farm in nebraska. that place also relaxes me.. all i need out there.. is just sum headphones and the 4-wheeler.. and sumtimes i just walk out into the fields. the sky out there goes on forever. i love how it smells out there.
im in a really weird mood guys. sorry about all this.
needed to express my thoughts and get the stuff out that was bouncing around in my head.
and this is wat happened.
please, hurry up summer.
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| you can't always get what you wantt....haha i love lauren.. even if she gets things stuck in my head |
[Wed 19 Jan 2005 | 10:07pm] |
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ugh.. talked to robbie on the fone tonite.. miss him.. ran 2 miles.. while reading sum of the book i started back at thanksgiving i have never really had time to finish.. and now i feel really out of it.. my stomach kinda hurts.. and my head feels heavy and hurts.. which i think is from my rubberbands.. but who can be sure.. and i got a new dEliAs catalog tonite.. too bad i want like everything in it hahaha.. i want it to get warmer faster lol.. i want school to be out.. i don't wanan go tomorrow.. but heck i never get that wish lol.. talked to lauren tonite.. i loveee her.. and i like when i make her laugh lol :) "walkin sex" hahah yes ma'am lol.. well should probally get goin. ewww.. this weeekend is not gunna come fast enough!
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| rolling.. rolling..rolling on the riverr.. |
[Wed 19 Jan 2005 | 4:40pm] |
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so pretty good day. did good on my health test i think. pretty bored tho all day.. and i don't like this cold weather.. blah.. now im talkin to MY FAVORITE GUY IN THE WHOLE WORLD robbie.. :) i miss him. well thats basically it for now. lOvE yOU!
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| once again stealing from the oh-so-wonderful PURVE |
[Tue 18 Jan 2005 | 9:10pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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Take the quiz: "WHAT DESIGNER ARE YOU?"
Juicy Couture!!
You are a fun, girly girl, but you have a naughty side to you. You love to enjoy life and live it to the fullest!
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| look me straight in the eye |
[Tue 18 Jan 2005 | 7:23pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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lala tuesday.. alright day.. flew by.. don't feel like posting that much else. goodbye.
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| yay for birthdayss. |
[Mon 17 Jan 2005 | 9:56am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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so haleys b-day was yesterday.. SoO fun. after we all ate at JoEs CrAb ShAcK we went back to her house.. and then we all went to kroger and bought us these little funny men.. for like $1.85.. that you put in water.. and its like Grow-A-Man? hahahah its so funny.. so yeah.. tried to grow them.. but apparently they take a long time to get hard lol haha... wow.. so yeah.. while we were there.. we found sum crazy kicking monkeys that we all want to get for valentines day hahah.. and beccy got handcuffs and i got love dice hahahah.. we never really "played" w/ them.. beccy just kept rolling them thru-out our Scence-It game.. and reading off wat they said hahaha.. such as "Rub My - Arms" ect. it was funny.. then we watched little black book.. that was a pretty good movie.. then me and beccy decided we wanted to "try out" the little belly-dancing kit in a box me and allison picked out for haley hahahah.. so we take the little finger cymbals out.. each take 2 and and put the bottom of our shirts thru our collars.. just like u do when ur 8 lol.. and then we took eyeliner and made little designs on our stomachs.. took out the HOW-TO book.. and attempted to copy wat we saw.. while haley video taped hahahah.. it was so funny.. we were gunna go out and bellydance down the street but her mom said no lol.. then we watched the beginning of margaret cho.. til it got to the Video Hut , beaver fever deal hahahaha.. and haley shut it off.. cuz her mom was giving us funny looks lol.. but yeah they thought it was funny.. then we watched sum of the best of snl funny stuff.. then they started watching the butterfly effect.. and since i don't like scary movies.. i went in haleys room and watched the osborne show.. heheh. that show is so funny.. and then around 4 haley came in there.. cuz the movie was over and we started talking and talked for like 2 hours.. allison eventually came to join us.. and she showed me all these pictures all around her room.. she has like a GAZILLION lol.. and finally around 6 we decided maybe we should go to bed. cuz my mom was coming pretty early.. so yeah.. thats about it. more later. happy martin luther king jr. day! hehe
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| you don't even understand. |
[Sun 16 Jan 2005 | 5:12pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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im so sick of my life.. i wish i were dead.. if i were dead i wouldn't have to deal w/ ANY of this! i wish my parents would send me to fucking boarding school.. id miss my friends.. but i've had to deal w/ that plenty b4.. i could still keep in touch w/ them.. u never really lose the ppl u love anyway.. but if i could just get out of here and away from my parents .. just that thought makes me relieved. i would never kill myself.. cuz i still have the faint hope in 2 and half years i can be gone and NEVER LOOK BACK and i wouldn't do that cuz u go to hell.. i've heard.. not that this isn't hell anyway.. i just wish sumthin would happen.. like id have a heart attack and die.. naturally and just go to heaven.. PLEEZ GOD.. i really don't know if i can take this 2 and a half more years.. theres just no gettin away.. and ALL MY DAMN FRIENDS UNDERSTAND.. everyone that really knows my parents gets it.. but them understanding does nothing.. i really wish my parents would just HAVE ONE FUCKING KIND CELL IN THERE BODY and send me away from here.. thats all i ask.. i don't care how hard it would be.. it would be better.. i don't NEED them i never have.. i don't care wat i have to do i don't care how i have to make it work.. i can make it.. but here im drowning.. friends are all i got.. thats all i got thats the only reason i put up w/ this day after day.. and half the time i don't even got that.. sorry about all this complaing.. BUT I CAN't TAKE IT BY MYSELF! theres jsut got to be a way out. after i move out i never want them in my life again.. i don't want them coming to my fucking wedding.. i dont want my dad walking me down the AISLE .. bcuz guess wat he has never been my dad away to get the priveledge to give me away to sum1 else.. robbie and colin have been there for me more way more times them him.. they would be better suited to do that job.. i never even want my kids to meet them.. i just wanna start over.. and have nothing to do w/ them ever again. 18 is not gunna come nearly fast enough. all for now. sorry.. about this guys. i love you tho. everyone that helps me and cares about me.. i love you guys thank you for always helpign me thru shit like this. i don't know wat id do w/o you.
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| i love 3 day weekends : ) |
[Sat 15 Jan 2005 | 11:20pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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so perhaps i should update?? umm.. yay im glad this week of school is over.. and its the weekend! yesterday almost got in a wreck.. ahh.. lol.. but i didn't it was good.. then went out to krispey kreme adn starbucks after school w/ miSs AllY-Pee! hahah.. and then went and hung out w/ daniel and brittnie and kyle.. and watched sum weird movie.. dogma?.. lol but yeah i had fun.. so yeah.. then me and daniel went to my church to help at a middle school lock in to get community service hours.. we had to make crafts it sucked lol.. but it was funny anyway.. then uhh today did a lotta nothing.. went to church allison came over.. ordereed pizza.. my brother had a lil freshman shindig haha.. that was funny lol then brittnie and kyle stopped by cuz she knows sum of the girls that were over.. and i showed them the saturday nite live thing.. w/ the: "COLO, COLONIAL FOOTSOLDIER.. OW" thing hahaha it was funny.. cuz i had been doin it in class on friday.. and all the guys were like WTF are u doing hahaha.. so kyle wanted to see it lol.. then he peed on a tree in my backyard? and they left hahaha.. and then me and allison talked to ppl online for awhile.. and talked to natalie cuz shes leaving for washington dc tamorrow.. :( aww my whore is gunna be gone like all week.. and so is rachell.. i will miss them! then i took allison home. and now im tired and i think ima go to bed.. cuz im gunna try and get up b4 noon tomorrow.. cuz i think me and allison are gunna go shopping.. in the early afternoon :D YAY! lol.. alright laterr kids!
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| for the RECORD |
[Wed 12 Jan 2005 | 9:20pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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hahah.. due to my recent entry.. we had sum negative feedback..
natalie: "THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. AlLy & RAch ofcoursee hahah
..."
natalie: i thought i was another leg of the FUCKING tripod..
natalie: bitch
.....
natalie: yeah yeah...
natalie: eat shit and DIEEE
...
natalie: im soo copying that...
natalie: and not putting yall in it
hhahahhaahah.. okay.. just to set it straight.. i DO dearly love my #1 HOE natalie A LOT A LOT A LOT. so i have thusforth.. DEDICATED this entire entry to her wonderfulnesss to show my great appreciation.. and i will miss her profusly when she goes to washington dc this coming week.. hahah THERE BITCH.. happy now?! hahah.. jk.. I LUBB YEW!
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| lalala.. stealing allisons quizzy thing lol |
[Wed 12 Jan 2005 | 6:49pm] |
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mood |
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procrastinating |
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THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Lindsay
2. Linz
3. whore ..ect.
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my eyes when they're green
2. when i make ppl laugh
3. that im a natural blonde
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my lovehandles
2. my bangs when they won't work
3. ..haha.. my butt issue.. if u don't know don't ask lol ;)
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. german
2. german
3. swiss
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. having no friends
2. to die painfully
3. never finding wat you're looking for
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. AlLy & RAch ofcoursee hahah
2. ALL OthEr FRiEnDsS
3. laughing
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. too tight braces :\
2. my little rope & twisty heart necklace.. im in love w/
3. the huge ring natalie gave me for my birthday hehe <3
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS:
1. Christina Aguilera/Kelly Clarkson/Fefe Dobson
2. Fall Out Boy/Hawthorne Heights/Evanescence
3. 3 Doors Down/Nickelback/Crossfade/Nelly/Murphy Lee/Lil Jon/Ying Yang Twins
--sorry i couldn't pick just 3 lol
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. since you've been gone
2. roll call
3. away from the sun
waah there are so many moore
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. a VARSITY cheerleader --same as Allyy P lol
2. find a significant other for awhile at sum point.. lol
3. get a job
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: (as of right now?)
1. understanding
2. comfortable
3. love
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. im sixteen
2. i <3 musicc
2. tomorrow is friday (hah.. i wish)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Smile
2. EyEs
3. hands/arms
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. dancinng
2. tumbling
3. cutting things outta magazines
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. eat
2. sleep
3. go to hawaii?
-- same as allison lol
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. lawyer
2. sumthin in fashion/designing? MiNuS the fact i can't draw lol
3. sumone famous? hahah i don't know lol
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. cruise - if anyones goin LET ME KNOW ;) (haha my dad said tahts the only way id ever get to go lol)
2. hawaii
3. NYC & LA
THREE KIDS' NAMES:
1. Brandon (girls name)
2. Christian
3. Blake (girls name)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. find a love
2. live in paris
3. do sumthin *ExCiTiNG*
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| mmm.. tuesdayy |
[Tue 11 Jan 2005 | 6:41pm] |
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things i love:
- warm summer like weather in the middle of january :)
- gettin ur hair washed at a salon.. hehe!
- having fake nails
- having ur dead/split ends all go away.. even if its just until tamorrow lol
- driving w/ the windows down and the music loud
- fRiENdS
- gettin to miss psat to go to the orthodontist lol
- sonic bacon cheeseburgers
- having a new coach workin w/ me at tumbling.. i feel like im actually gettin sumwhere.
- the 3 day weekend thats approaching
- TORiS biRtHdAY FRIdAY! WOoT!
things i hate:
- THE FACT THAT My CAR IS NOW REALLY SCREWED UP AND MY DAD SAYS IT MIGHT TAKE A COUPLE MONTHS TO FIX :(!
- NOT BEING ABLE TO DRIVE TO SCHOOL! >:O
- SCHOOL!
- THE RUBBERBANDS that are now half way across my mouth.. im glad i got them on cuz they'll fix my stupid messed up bite.. but they HURT LIKE A BITCH!
- THE FACT that u can't just magically cut fat off of you lol.. hmm that'd be SO nice.
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| ugh. |
[Sun 09 Jan 2005 | 9:19pm] |
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mood |
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discontent |
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ccd tonite was horrible.. talked about abortion for an hour and a half.. if thats not depressing enough.. they make u feel like ur for SURE gunna fuck up sumthin in ur life.. and they make u feel so bad when u haven't even done anything.. and now i feel like shit.. and i hate ccd.. goodnite everyone i love you!
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| We are fallen angels with no place to go we are fallen angels looking for a home |
[Sun 09 Jan 2005 | 4:31pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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la-la-la.. so last nite.. totally forgot to mention me and rachels awesome conversation about guys wearing eyeliner.. and how awesome it was.. lol.. like all the guys in movies that had done it.. when they had played druggies or sumthin.. and how we wished more local guyss would try it out.. cuz it is SO HAWT! so yeah.. oh.. and upon recently exercising above my garage.. i noticed that there are some quite nice looking boys.. that live on the street behind us.. ;) gotta go shower. layyter
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| u come in cold.. covered in blood.. |
[Sun 09 Jan 2005 | 11:02am] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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so yesterday.. hmm.. slept til noon.. got up.. did basically nothing all day.. cept got a bunch of new LJ icons. hehe.. umm.. then i went to church.. and after went to carmellas w/ the fam. then me rach and my sister.. went and say the late finding neverland.. aww it was really good.. i cried haha.. then i had to go pick up my brother from sum cafe at like 12:30.. and yeahh.. i have my car back.. haha .. again.. but it is so screwed up.. my dad thinks the whole thing might be messed up.. so yeah.. i dunno how long it will last this time lol..err..
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| never mind the weekend.. i don't wanna be home that long |
[Fri 07 Jan 2005 | 4:40pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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dad = biggesteffinghateofmylife
had a pretty good day at school today.. sleep about 20 minutes in psat class.. watched the beginning of a knights tale in world hist.. i have never seen that now i wanna rent it and watch the rest.. lol. umm.. big fight at lunch.. involving sum black girl.. and the only part of the fight i saw was when sum guy pe coach was tryin to break it up.. then she started swinging at him.. she put up a good fight for like 15 seconds.. ppl were standing on tables and chairs in the cafeteria.. and when it was over.. everyone clapped.. welcome to beaumont lady's and gentlement. lol.. so yeah then math was pretty funny.. wesleys tryin to start rumors about me while im sitting next to him.. wat can i say hes the "gossip queen" i guess hes just tryin to live up to his title.. so that was funny.. plus he thinks im suicidal and asked to see my wrists my neck and sum large vein thats supposidly on the inside of my thigh.. i was like.. yeah .. no. lol.. it was funny.. then sumthin happened and he like made fun of me and he was like wait i can't bring down ur self esteem u might kill urself.. i was like great lol.. but yeah love that class like usual. took a quiz. hope i did reasonably well.. got report cards from 1 semester.. only class i got a B in is french.. BAH.. oh well. my mom doesn't care. so yeah.. now i suppose ill sit around and do nuthin cuz my dad just randomly grounded me.. for no reason.. and he didn't say how long he just kept calling me a bitch and was like ur grounded.. ner ner ner.. i was like yeah fuck u asshole.. i didn't say that but there was definately sum mental pictureing of me flicking him off goin on.. so yeah.. i hope he dies. don't try to tell me i don't mean that.. cuz i do.. and anyone who knows my dad probally agrees. .. ill be around i guess
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| "boys speak in rhythm and girls in code" |
[Thu 06 Jan 2005 | 7:33pm] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
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ugh. good day til i came home. i hate just about everything about my life right now.. seriously. i wouldn't even know where to begin explaining it. so i won't even try. hope everyones had a good week.
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stealmyxheart's journal